Title: Until I Can Breathe Again
Spoilers: Um, I don’t know that there are any specifically, but through the 5/6/09 episode.
Summary: Just a little bit of speculation on my part about what might happen the day after Emma arrives.
Disclaimer: All characters (Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera & Emma Spencer) and situations belong to Guiding Light and whoever it is that owns it. I’m not them.
Notes: The title is from a Sarah Mclachlan song called Train Wreck, and goes something like: And your mouth, it’s all that I wish; Mercy of your lips, just one kiss; Until I can breathe again.
The room is still dark when Natalia wakes. Instinct – an unerring sixth sense developed over years of waking up early to get her kid ready for school before she has to get in to work – tells her that it’s morning already. She shifts slightly so that she can look over at the bed’s other two occupants.
She sees Emma first, the little girl curled between she and Olivia like a warming, living barrier that Natalia has to admit she’s just a little bit grateful for. Having Emma there makes it so much less awkward. It puts them back on familiar ground. But Natalia can’t help but feeling a hint of regret at being back on that familiar ground.
Finally she looks over at Olivia, and finds beautiful green eyes staring back at her unblinkingly. It takes her breath away, startling her. Not least of which is because she’s certain that she’s never seen Olivia awake this early. But it’s more than that. It’s the way that Olivia’s looking at her.
It’s both familiar and not. Familiar because she’s seen this look in Olivia’s eyes before – so many times – but new because she really, really wants to do something about that look now, and she knows it.
She slides her hand across the space between them, sliding against soft sheets, just above Emma’s head. She draws her index finger from the base of Olivia’s jaw up to the tip of her chin. The soft, warm skin under her finger is mesmerizing. She looks up to see Olivia’s eyes fluttering shut under her touch.
It’s awkward with Emma between them, but there’s already not much space separating them, and Natalia doesn’t hesitate to lessen it, scooting closer to Olivia. She’s not looking at Olivia’s eyes anymore. Instead she can’t seem to take her eyes off Olivia’s lips. The subtle curve of them, their tantalizing fullness captures her completely, and now she’s so close that she can feel the warmth of Olivia’s breath mingling with her own.
She tilts her head so that she’s even closer. Her heart is pounding so rapidly now that she’s sure that Olivia can hear it, has to hear it. Is Olivia’s heart pounding like her own? It can’t possibly be good for her, Natalia thinks, a little bit wildly. But if she doesn’t do this, if she doesn’t finish what she’s started, then she just might die.
Her eyes drift closed just as her lips are about to brush Olivia’s.
“Mommy?” Emma’s sleepy voice hits her with all of the shock of a bucket of ice water.
Natalia pulls back so quickly she feels dizzy. Her head is pounding and she feels vaguely nauseous. When she opens her eyes, Olivia is staring at her again. The look – she can’t call it anything but smoldering – makes Natalia flush. She can feel it to the tips of her toes. She’s stunned, caught, trapped, without words, and frozen in place.
Oliva rescues her, clearing her throat and looking down.
“Morning, Jellybean,” she says softly, reaching down to tousle her daughter’s hair. “You ready for breakfast?”
It breaks the tension, dispelling it with Emma’s familiar laughter and Oliva’s slightly grumpy morning mood. Underneath it all, Natalia is still trembling. She smiles and she is truly happy to be here with Oliva and Emma, but underneath it there is regret for a missed opportunity.
She wants it. She wants to kiss Olivia, and the loss of it hits her like an ache. Her only consolation is that this won’t be her last chance. That’s why they’re here trying to figure this out, so that she can kiss her anytime she wants to.
Even that thought can’t quite erase the ache within her, though.
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