Collection of Penelope Garcia’s one-liners

Yeah, since I’m so busy with Criminal Minds, I had to do something like this :)
Looked up several sites for them and I just couln’t stop laughing…against of all the darkness we need a little humour :)

So pick your favourite one (at the end of the post) and share it with me!

Penelope Garcia - Criminal Minds


Garcia: He who seeks the “Queen of All Knowledge,” speak and be recognized.

Reid: Garcia, we’re sending you some cigarettes.

Garcia: Why not a flesh-eating virus? It’ll be faster and far less painful.


[Morgan and Garcia are speaking to each other on the telephone. Morgan has placed her on speaker phone so that the other investigators in the room can hear Garcia’s information]

Penelope Garcia: Hiya, baby.

Derek Morgan: Hey baby girl. We need to talk.

Penelope Garcia: PG or NC17?

Derek Morgan: You’re on speaker phone.

Penelope Garcia: I charge extra for groups.


And the links:

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8 Comments on "Collection of Penelope Garcia’s one-liners"

  1. Carla
    27/08/2009 at 18:08 Permalink


    I like the one where she says she charges extra for groups. I just love those two characters together, and the writers for Garcia are lucky to have such a soul who can pull off the flirty banter!


  2. Fren
    28/08/2009 at 13:22 Permalink

    Hi there,

    Yeah, they are cute together and all those moments when they flirt! :)

    Just love them!

  3. Angela
    12/12/2009 at 01:26 Permalink

    Garcia allows for the rest of the females that are intelligent in some manner to still be fun loving and energetic.

  4. April Miller
    31/05/2010 at 21:06 Permalink

    Hi Garcia,
    I personally like both of them. I think you and Derek are great and you always make me smile when you two flirt together lol.
    I also love the one about the cigarettes with ♥Dr. Spencer Reid bc i smoke and I understand where you are coming from there :) lol they’re both funny.
    This is also funny because me and my boyfriend’s mom have a thing where she is absolutely in love with Derek Morgan, but I am completely and utterly infatuated with my ♥ Dr. Spencer Reid.

  5. Jen
    31/07/2010 at 21:36 Permalink

    LOL.. like the group one.

    The funny part is that the garcia/morgan banter is actually how the 2 actors are in real life 😛 acroding to this clip…

  6. Clarissa
    29/11/2012 at 02:43 Permalink

    My personal favorite Penelope quote: “Enchantress of All Things Possible – use your imagination.”

  7. Penelope Garcia - Gray
    01/12/2012 at 01:30 Permalink

    As technical support at Cisco Systems Inc, of course my favorite is:

    Garcia: He who seeks the “Queen of All Knowledge,” speak and be recognized.

  8. Erin
    21/01/2014 at 05:55 Permalink

    This exchange between her and Morgan is one of my . It’s from Sense Memory (Season 6, ep 14)
    Garcia: Live from Quantico, V.A., it’s the divine Miss Penelope. Los Angeles, you’re our first and favorite caller. Talk to me.
    Morgan: Ok, woman, you do know you’re crazy, right?
    Garcia: Uh-huh. But like you always say, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.”
    Morgan: Ok, “playa”, my bad.
    Then later on in the same scene:
    Garcia: That’s gonna take a minute or two but still no cause for perspiration. I shall lovingly hit you back when I have something, ‘kay?
    Morgan: Thanks, playa.
    Garcia: You know it!

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